Co-Dependents typically:
- Assume responsibility for other people's feelings
- Are not aware of how they feel and cannot identify their feelings
- Tend to minimize, alter, or even deny the truth about how they feel
- Tend to fear or worry about how others may respond to their feelings
- Bolster their self-esteem by trying to solve other people's problems
- Look to other people to determine what to do, say or feel
- Focus their attention on pleasing another person
- Have difficulty acknowledging good things about themselves
- Tend to judge everything they say or do harshly, by someone else's standards
- Have difficulty in forming and/or maintaining close relationships with others
- Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others
- Do not know or believe that asking for help is both OK and normal
The Twelve Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous
1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.
2. I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.
3. I know a new freedom.
4. I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.
6. I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.
7. I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to
control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
8. I learn that it is possible to mend - to become more loving, intimate and
supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
9. I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
10. I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
11. I trust the guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.
12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.
The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we
understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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