This weekend was filled with company. Company makes me long for more company. The company of friends that have fallen to the wayside. It also makes my long for isolation. Company is funny like that.
More than once I found myself kneeling to find the right song on the right record. Putting the needle down, laying back on a pillow and feeling the quiet of loneliness. All while my friends carried on drunkenly on the porch.
Being alone with yourself feels so good when friends are just an arm’s length away. If that’s the case being alone should never be uncomfortable. Friends are always at arm’s length if you just reach out.
When people made their way inside my solitude I wished for them to go back outside, or simply sit silently and listen to the music.
Everyone’s voices banging around the room, covering the soft songs and silent thoughts. Forcing me back to the present, to pay mind to others thoughts. None of which was appealing to me.
Not that I was thinking of anything more important that what my friends were talking about, more so that I was thinking of nothing.
I don’t think I’m a very good friend. I feel this way a lot. I feel selfish for always wanting to be on the inside, always forcing myself out.
I don't know the moral here, and I don't know if I will ever change.
I am an introvert in extroverts clothing.
Wanna come over and silently listen to records?
"I am an introvert in extrovert's clothing." Oh, that's so true. I have been feeling this way a lot myself lately. Having a baby means pretty much never being alone and sometimes when I am fortunate enough to be out amongst friends lately all I want to do is be by myself. There is nothing like quietly listening music, enjoying the stillness that comes.
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